Essential skills for advising women

Couples don't agree 

Whether traditional or not, Burns Kingsbury said that one thing is common among all couples: They often disagree.

• 53 percent don't agree on the age at which they'd like to retire.
• 47 percent don't to agree on whether to continue working in retirement.
• 38 percent don't interact jointly with their advisors.

It's vital that advisors remember there are three relationships in the room instead of two. "We naturally gravitate toward one member of the couple over the other, tipping the triangle," she said. "Female clients begin to feel, 'Why am I even here?' It's the equivalent of being invited to a school reunion with a significant other when you don't know anyone."

Balancing the triangle 

There are several simple ways to help balance the triangle, Burns Kingsbury said:

• Simply shift body language/eye contact to the individual you're not attending as much.
• Ask the same questions to both partners. Even if they don't both answer, you've shifted your attention and the second partner now knows they matter. 
• Pay attention to both members of the couple when inside and outside of the office (emails to both, address mail to both, etc.) Women's brains are wired to notice details. The small things matter.

Uncover money mindsets 

A mindset is a set of beliefs or a way of thinking that determines one's behavior, outlook and mental attitude, Burns Kingsbury said. 

We develop our thoughts and beliefs about money between the ages of five and 15, and they're often hard to change. In fact, we don't even know we have them. 

Advisors must help clients identify these beliefs so that they can connect. The female brain has a neurological need to connect, she said. Brain scans show the pleasure center lights up when connecting; men don't get the same boost. 

Women also have greater verbal access to emotions. Most female brains have a bigger hippocampus, so it's important to talk about more than the technical aspects of money. They are also wired to see the "whole" — the right and left hemispheres have more connective tissue and talk more often. Men can fight with someone and go out for a drink after, she said. Women often can't do the same, she said with a laugh. She then played the following video: 

Why it matters 

Beyond the obvious, why should advisors focus on balancing the triangle? For one thing, women give an average of 26 referrals over their lifetime; men give just 11, she said. 

In closing, Burns Kingsbury told the audience, "When you get back to your office and you notice your 'back is turned' toward a female client, turn around, look at her, smile and balance the triangle and you'll have client for life."