Master These Habits to Become a 'Supercommunicator': Charles Duhigg

Supercommunicators tend to ask 10 to 20 times more questions [than others]. Some of these are "deep questions," which ask about values, beliefs  experiences; for example, "What made you decide to become a doctor?"

What you're really asking is: What's important to you?

How can that sort of questioning help an advisor in recommending investments?

It's hugely important. We tend to think of a conversation as being about one thing. But every discussion is made up of different kinds of conversations.

The only way to get to know your client is by asking questions to establish a sense of trust and rapport. 

Broadly, conversations fall into one of three buckets, you write. What are they?

Practical conversations, like talking about setting up a portfolio; emotional conversations, in which someone tells you how they feel and what they want from you is empathy; and social conversations about how we relate to each other in society.

When a client comes into an advisor's office for practical reasons — they want to figure out their retirement plan, say — if an advisor knows how to listen and ask the right questions, they can [determine] quickly that this person is actually in an emotional frame of mind.

Being able to recognize what kind of conversation is happening and then "matching" the person — that is, having the same kind of conversation at the same moment — is essential to real connection.

How do you prove that you're listening?

In a conflict conversation, when people disagree with each other and are, for instance, talking about something that's really sensitive, you [can] use the technique of "looping for understanding."

It has three steps: One: Ask a question, preferably a deep one. Two: After the other person answers, repeat in your own words what you heard them say to show that you're processing it. Three: Ask if you got it right.

With that last one, you're asking them to acknowledge that you're listening. When you do that, they become more likely to listen to you in return.

Please explain what constitutes a "learning conversation."

The goal is to understand what the other person is trying to tell you and to speak in such a way that they can understand you in return.

As an advisor, your first and most important goal is to understand what the client is struggling with, why this is important to them and how they think about their priorities.

You need to learn about them before telling them what they ought to do.

And you want to give them a chance to learn about you because if you ask you a bunch of questions and don't share anything about yourself, why should they trust you?

How significant is body language?

A lot of nonverbal communication occurs face to face, and laughter is a good example. Studies show when someone laughs in a conversation, 80% of the time it's not in response to anything funny. 

Rather, it's to show the other person that we want to connect. That's the first and most important step in making that connection.

When they laugh back, they're showing us that they want to connect in return.