The Science of Listening, for Advisors

Our business success begins and ends with achieving a personal connection with our clients.

It's pretty obvious that our clients want to work with people they feel are listening and understand them.

How do we accomplish that?

That challenge was the focus of a session at the recent FPA Retreat in Bonita Springs, Florida.

Julie Fortin of Northstar Financial Planning and Marlis Jansen of Graddha talked about the relationship between providing financial advice and the neuroscience of connection and well-being.

The speakers are two of the three co-authors of an influential paper, published by the Journal of Financial Planning, that introduced the field of interpersonal neurobiology.

One of speakers' key points: Clients want a quality relationship with us — whether we're insurance agents or financial planners.

A recent Morningstar study on why investors fire their financial advisors reported that the top two answers were the quality of the financial advice (32% of responses) and the quality of the relationship with the advisor (21%).

We've been trained to give advice by doing a sales presentation.

A more powerful approach is to listen.

Here are tips for how to do that, based on Fortin and Jansen's presentation.

5 Ways to Listen Better

You're not learning anything when you're talking.

When you're listening, you're gathering important data.

Our clients don't necessarily share the same belief systems we do. Where are our clients coming from?

The clients are the experts on themselves and what's best for them.

To learn more about what the clients know about themselves:

1. Spend more time listening than talking.

Aim for spending 75% of the time listening and 25% of the time talking.

2. Listen with openness, compassion and curiosity.

If clients pause and appear to be thinking, let them be silent and think.

3. Reflect back to the clients what you've heard them say, and then ask them to tell you if you got it right.

For example, if clients talk at length about their problems, you could say, "It sounds like you're feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. Is that right?"

4. Acknowledge and validate a client's experience and feelings.

Express explicitly what you observe: "I hear that you're concerned. That makes sense."

This helps build rapport and deepen the client relationship, because the client feels seen.

That rapport can lead to more effective recommendations.

5. Facilitate the creation of a new client narrative.

Ask open-ended questions, such as, "How might you go about that in order to succeed?"

Discuss alternatives.

Explore contingencies by asking "what if" questions, such as, "What would you do if…?"

How to Improve Client Meetings

Here are two suggestions the speakers gave about how to get yourself into an ideal state before meeting with clients:

1. Put a time buffer between your meetings.

The speakers recommended that the buffer be at least 10 minutes.

2. Take some time to get into a calm emotional state before the meeting.

If you're not at ease during the meeting, the client will consciously or unconsciously become anxious, mirroring your tension.

If you're in a state of increased stress or sense of hurry, a simple solution is to sit comfortably, with both feet on the floor, and direct attention to your breath.

Take a long, deep breath. Inhale as much as you can, then follow with an exhale that's twice as long as the inhale.

Repeat.

Notice the movement of air through your lungs. Fill them fully, and then notice the feeling of the exhalations.

If you're in a state of tiredness or low energy, then fast and shallow breathing in and out can activate your nervous system, making you more alert.

By taking the time to become aware of your bodily sensations, you can shift your emotional state in a matter of moments.

This can bring you more connection with your client and help you be a better listener.

The more we practice focusing our attention in this way, the more our brain and nervous system change, making these practices long-lasting.

The Bottom Line

Your role is to provide the four S's to clients: Seen, Soothe, Safe and Secure.

How you are as a professional can hinder or help clients to have an increased sense of ease, clarity and well-being as they achieve their financial goals.

This way of thinking also contributes to the sustainability of our businesses, because research shows that professionals who practice these skills have an increased sense of ease, well-being, thriving and job satisfaction.

Margie Barrie, an agent with ACSIA Partners, has been writing the LTCI Insider column since 2000. She is the author of two books and a frequent conference speaker.