9 New Annuity Jokes

The biggest U.S. retirement sector joke might be the 37% funded level at Illinois public employee pension plans. The next biggest retirement joke is... crypto! But what if you're trying to persuade clients to consider buying annuities? In the past, the typical annuity world punchline might have translated, roughly, to: "Cold... dark... lonely. So lonely." This year, the dominant theme is the grim joy of watching others trip and fall. For nine new jokes for annuity professionals who are sitting in a cozy, insured bay window, drinking guaranteed hot chocolate as other financial professionals' 60/40 portfolio allocation umbrellas blow away, see the gallery above. To avoid offending any mammals, or reptiles, or friends of reptiles, we've centered the jokes on invertebrates. Pictured: A great plains toad. (Photo: Sam Stuckel/USFWS)