Live Longer by Getting Gratitude

Here's an updated version of a classic relationship-building article that we first ran June 1, 2010.

I used to think that people who always looked for the silver lining in bad events were lame. It felt like the only thing they could say was something trivial like, "Well, at least you're not dead" or "At least you can still buy groceries."

I'd bristle at those comments.

And then I learned their magical effect: People who teach themselves to automatically look for the upside are not in denial. They are setting themselves up to live longer, happier, more fruitful lives. The research bears it out.

Gratitude is simply being happy for what you have. It doesn't minimize a loss, but it does help your brain to relieve the anxiety of loss when you at least have a few things on your checklist for which you are thankful.

The moment your list is devoid of thankfulness, nasty negative stress hormones begin to permeate your body and your attitude. In business, that means you operate out of desperation and greed — two very unattractive attributes that turn clients off.

Here are a couple of tips on finding and using gratitude in your life and business. If you try to do them, you'll see that they pay off.

1. It is about what you have.

Grateful people know that if they lose everything else they still have (fill in the blank). What are the baseline things for which you are grateful? Make a list. People who live without gratitude measure their lives by what they don't have. You will never measure up. There will always be something you don't have. Take stock of what's in the cupboard.

2. Grateful people make others feel divine.

I just received a birthday sentiment from a client who said I am on a list of people who affected her life the most. She thanked me. Her gratitude was the single most impactful birthday gift I got. When you show sincere gratitude to your clients it proves you're paying attention and that they truly matter.

When was the last time you sent a heartfelt, specific note to a client who impacts you? If you can't think of any, start operating from a place of gratitude and you'll begin seeing positive impact from others.

3. Life is a funny thing.

If you focus on others and what makes them tick, they'll make you tick back. They become grateful for you and that makes you grateful. And, on it goes.

I want to be grateful I do business with you.

Scott Halford, CSP, CPAE, is a writer and public speaker who focuses on ways people can use behavioral science to improve their performance.