If South Park Characters Applied for Life Insurance Policies...

3. Randy Marsh

Estimated Age: 45

Occupation: Geologist and secretly Lorde

Beneficiaries: Stan and Shelly (kids)

Randy appears to be in a permanent midlife crisis, putting him at risk for terrible decision-making. He has a family to think about, but this doesn't stop him from getting involved in problematic activities, from his penchant for binge drinking to his fighting with other dads at Stan's little league games. While he has multiple income streams, including an impressive musical career and a Blockbuster store, he should get a life insurance policy to ensure his kids have a financial safety net — especially if he plans to continue his ludicrous schemes like attempting to get cancer on purpose. With all that said, Randy is going to need to pay up to get a sufficient policy, and success at schemes like getting cancer on purpose could lead to problems with the beneficiaries collecting on a claim.

Key Takeaway: Bad health means a low chance of getting approved, and if you are approved, your policy will come at a cost. It's important to consider purchasing a policy while you're healthy, and not risk waiting until after your health has gone awry. .

4. Kenny McCormick

Estimated Age: 10

Occupation: 4th-grade student

Beneficiaries: Parents

Kenny has died approximately 126 times over the course of all 21 seasons. Yet he always comes back for the next episode, so, even though we know he's the most accident-prone character, he is also the most invincible (and the only 10-year-old who should probably have a policy). He'd benefit from a return-of-premium rider — a policy add-on that returns the premiums paid if the insured outlives the term of the policy.

Key takeaway: If you die during the "term" of the policy, your beneficiary gets the money. If you outlive your policy, it simply expires — or in some cases, you have the option to pay more to ensure premiums are paid back.

5. Mr. Mackey

Estimated Age: 48

Occupation: School counselor

Beneficiaries: Unknown

Mr. Mackey is the average, non-threatening school counselor known best for instructing his students — and the Internet — that drugs are bad (mkay?). As he says, "Just try and stay positive, and stay away from drugs and alcohol." Mr. Mackey is an example to the other South Park residents, encouraging a healthy lifestyle and educating others in making good choices. While we don't know much about his personal life, we do know that he's had romantic relationships, and it's possible he has beneficiaries that he would need to protect. Mr. Mackey may lead a healthy lifestyle, but he'll need to make sure any potential candidates for beneficiaries have an insurable interest in his life before applying for coverage.

Key takeaway: In most cases, beneficiaries are required to have an insurable interest in the life of the insured. This means that the beneficiaries would need to demonstrate that they incur a financial loss (like sharing a mortgage) should the insured die prematurely.

If your clients live in the South Park universe (or the real universe), chances are they'll need life insurance. At Ethos, we believe that buying term life insurance would be the best option for most South Park characters, and most of your clients, because it's the most cost-effective, simple and straightforward type of life insurance.

Note: All pricing and assumptions are based on the general population of South Park.

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Phil Murphy is vice president of insurance at Ethos, a digital life insurance company. He previously was the vice president of underwriting at Munich Re.