Three Ways to Build Relationships: Advice From 400 B.C.

November 30, 2015 at 07:00 PM
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Although Rich Babjak, president and CEO of World Equity Group, counsels advisors not to start a program of giving back for the sake of pulling in more business, his own community involvement has brought him several good clients. The key is doing more than just showing up, he said. "Clients will come to you if you're a good person."

That kind of relationship tends to be the "stickiest," according to Aristotle, who identified different kinds of affection about 2,400 years ago. As Gil Weinreich, former editor-in-chief of our sister publication Research magazine, wrote in that magazine's September issue, the Greek philosopher defined three types of philia (imperfectly translated as love) between people:

1. Relationships of self-interest.

These are based on transactions of mutual benefit: You give me a product, I give you money. When either person's motivation goes away (say, if the product can be obtained elsewhere for less money) the relationship typically ends.

2. Relationships of mutual enjoyment.

There's a more personal dimension to relationships based on a common hobby, interest or specialty. But if that shared connection breaks, as when a golfing buddy's bad back forces him to give up the links or a widowed client remarries, the relationship may break up, too.

3. Relationships of respect and admiration.

Weinreich wrote, "In advisory terms, this means that the client admires the advisor for his wisdom, judgment and integrity, and the advisor in turn respects the client for his or her unique qualities." Aristotle believed that such "relationships of virtue" had the potential to be strongest of all, because good character endures.

Character that's worthy of respect shows most clearly when you're outside your self-interest zone, contributing to the good of others without expectation of reward. Over time, this will attract friends, colleagues and clients who feel the way you do, and are likely to stay with you for years to come.

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