Advisors, Give Your Clients Permission to Spend

Some are obvious, like living expenses once they are no longer working. Others may include home renovations, vacations, new cars, gifts to children, second homes, etc. If it's a one-time expense, we identify what year the money will be used. If it's a recurring expense, we talk about "how many" and "how often." I encourage some clients to create separate accounts for vacations, home projects, etc., so the amount they can spend is visible to them.

Planning for Longevity

Lisa Kirchenbauer; Omega Wealth Management; Arlington, Virginia

Several of our clients are planning on giving much or all of their wealth to charity. We have been working on getting them to donate more during their lifetime, yet there's always the concern they might need the money later.

As a planner, you crunch the numbers. But even when I know that a client will probably have enough money, I'm always wondering if something could change and we'll find out that we were too generous early on. It's a delicate balance.

Creating a Monthly 'Paycheck'

Nancy Nelson; Retirement Life Mentor, Beyond Enough; Olympia, Washington

Some people have an easier time spending money when it arrives in the form of a payment, rather than actively withdrawing it from an investment account. I had a couple who had plenty of assets, but once they stopped receiving payments on two real estate contracts, they fell back to living only on Social Security.

I felt very frustrated. They had well over $1 million in investments, yet would complain about things they wanted to do but felt they couldn't afford. They were also beginning to have health issues that, down the road, might keep them from doing some of the more active things they wanted to do.

I convinced them to receive a regular monthly transfer from their investment account into their checking account. I think the starting amount was $500 a month. When they came in for their next review, they talked about how much they had enjoyed having the extra funds, and I showed them that it hadn't impacted their net worth.

Over several years of increasing these transfers, we got them up to a monthly amount that was sustainable, yet allowed them more enjoyment of the wealth they'd accumulated.

Finding Worthwhile Ways to Spend

Nelson: A recently widowed client of mine received a financial windfall as part of a group lawsuit she hadn't even known she was a party to. It was a settlement related to her husband's death from exposure to asbestos. She already had more than enough income for her needs, and I could see that this new money might end up simply being folded into her existing accounts.

She didn't have a history of major charitable donations, but I asked her if any civic organizations had been an important part of her and her husband's life. When she said they and their son had benefited from the Boy Scouts, I encouraged her to donate the settlement to the local Scout Council in memory of her husband.

Shortchanging the Children

Moriarty: I'm aware of situations where parents who couldn't deal with their wealth denied their children a chance to learn and grow from inheriting it. In one case, the mother had never spent her own multimillion-dollar inheritance and had never even told her children how much it was. She left it to a foundation, instructing that it be managed and disbursed without naming her as the donor. Not only was she unwilling to claim the money herself, but she deprived her adult children of the opportunity to become philanthropists in their own right.

Of course, spending for spending's sake is not the way you want to go, either. Another client's father couldn't get rid of his money quickly enough. After setting up trusts for each child, he gave away all the rest to any cause he encountered that could use the money. He died with very little, but not as the result of a strategic, organized plan.

Saving It for the Kids

When Nancy Nelson's wealthy clients protest that they can't spend money on themselves because they want to leave as much as possible to their kids, the Olympia, Washington, planner has an answer ready. "I explain to them that the help they already gave their children with college, or with buying their first home, will have much more impact on the quality of their lives than leaving them a large inheritance when they're in their 60s."

Nelson, a CFP who sold her practice in 2012 and has launched an encore career as a retirement life mentor, also tells these clients that their impulse to scrimp and save for their children's inheritance can backfire. Knowing how drastically their parents deprived themselves in order to bequeath them this money, the kids may feel guilty and have a hard time enjoying it.

Asking Clients What Really Matters

Cygan: As a financial planner for 18 years, I've worked with many "millionaire next door" clients. Even though they had more than enough money, they held firm to their middle-income values and were fearful of spending it.

I've found that I need to spend time talking with them about what really matters to them. This often takes many appointments over a few years while they ponder the issue. Spending money on cars or a big fancy house or designer clothes feels uncomfortable to them and would cause anxiety. Yet there are other things that they can justify spending money on.

For example, a single woman I work with spent her entire career as a speech pathologist in the local school system. Although she never earned much, she funded her 403(b) to the max every year. She now lives on her pension and Social Security, and rarely taps into her investment accounts. When we update her retirement projections each year, I keep reassuring her that she can withdraw $5,000 a year for travel or unexpected expenses.

A few months ago she called me, sounding very worried. She and her partner had decided to treat themselves to a trip to Paris to celebrate their 70th birthdays. But rent for an apartment in Paris was going to be about $3,000, and she was uncomfortable spending the money. I assured her that she could afford the trip and encouraged her to enjoy it thoroughly.

Many of my Sage Future Financial clients experienced severe poverty as children, so they will never spend money freely. Just the idea of spending it makes them anxious. Yet they have been avid savers throughout their lives and have accumulated a lot of money. Sometimes it seems like my role is to give them permission to spend. I accept this role.

The Power of Giving Permission

The role of empathetic permission-giver, as Cygan puts it, is a precious gift you can give hoarder clients and their offspring. You might also remind them, if it's appropriate, that only when they experience the freedom to do the things they want to do will they be truly wealthy.