As strategic alliances go, accountants rank pretty high on the desirability scale. They are industrious. They are detail-oriented to a fault. They are well-connected. And, like lawyers and politicians, all of these defined qualities make them easy to caricature. Accountant jokes have become de rigeuer, especially in April. Here are seven to make your tax season a bit lighter.
See also: 7 great accountant jokes
A man piloting a hot air balloon discovers that he has wandered off course and is hopelessly lost. He descends to a lower altitude and locates a man on the ground. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, about thirty feet above this field."
"You must be an accountant," says the balloonist.
"Yes I am" replies the man. "And how did you know that"
"Well" says the balloonist, "what you tell me is technically correct, but of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be a manager."
"Well, yes I am" replies the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well", says the accountant, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect my immediate help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
A patient was at her doctor's office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, "I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live."
The patient asked, "Oh doctor, what should I do?"
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant joke?"
An accountant is walking along the beach and he finds an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it and of course, a genie appears. The genie says "I am the most powerful genie that has ever lived. I can do great and wonderful things and I can grant you your dearest wish. But only one." Well, this accountant is a deeply caring individual. He pulls out a map of the Mediterranean area and says, "My dearest wish is that you solve the Arab-Israeli conflict in the Middle East. The genie strokes his beard and looks worried. "Oh dear, " he says , staring at the map. " That's a tough one. Those people have been fighting for eons. No one has been able to come up with a successful solution. I'm not sure if I could do any better. You should probably make another wish." The accountant is understanding and says, "All right. Listen, the IRS has asked me to re-design their 1040 form so that everyone can understand it. Can you help me with that?" There's a long silence and finally the genie says, "Let's have another look at that map."
