What’s your money story?

Because money conversations are so deeply personal, advisors must tread carefully, he warned. The goal is to help uncover clients' life purpose while maintaining a sense of safety, he said. Although we weren't taught how to enter this sensitive area, it can be learned.

Cherney said the core question is, "What does money mean to you?" The answer is often the "headlines of our money story."

What's your story?

People tend to jump to conclusions and then stick to them, even when new information becomes available that changes the story, Cherney explained. Instead, we need to focus on considering everything and seeing the whole picture.

"We tell ourselves stories and we do the same with our clients," he said. "You think you understand them, but there's always more info."

How can advisors uncover the whole story? By asking questions. By realizing you don't know the whole story and likely never will. Admit it and work at it, he said.

What's a money story?

Our money stories are often formed at an early age by watching those around us. They reveal our core values, emotions and needs, Cherney explained

Money stories drive most of our decisions, even though we're usually not conscious of them.

Cherney shared that when he was young, he lost five dollars. He said that at the time, it was a "life catastrophe." His mother chewed him out, leading him to believe that money was precious and had to be guarded.

To begin to uncover clients' money stories, he suggests the following two questions:

• What stands out about when you first became aware of money? Tell a story about what money meant in your family.

• What's been your most positive experience with money – when did it give you the most satisfaction?

When advisors hear these stories, it helps them experience the clients' emotions and put themselves in their clients' shoes. The process creates a quick intimacy because sharing these important and intimate details forms a bond.

"Money stories operates day to day, moment to moment and affect how we live and how satisfied we are," he explained.

The benefits for advisors?

• Quickly create trust, intimacy
• Becomes easier to understand your clients' seemingly irrational choices.
• Helps you overcome objections because you better understand them.
• Can get to the core of why they are resisting your advice.

"Our money story can be edited and changed over time if we're open to new experiences," Cherney said.

And there's one more bonus for advisors, Cherney added. Clients who have formed a bond through shared storytelling will be more likely to stick with their advisor because they feel that they know them. This makes it more likely that they will then introduce the advisor to their children, opening up huge opportunites to connect with the next generation.

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