Q&A: Breaking down the taboo of death

Williams: We talked about this earlier, but why, in America, is there this tremendous taboo attached to the subject of death?

Bentz: The most common thread I see in the U.S. is how our culture clings to an illusion of control. As the "rugged individualist" model goes, we think we've got to have it all under wraps, we've got the answers and the outcomes at all times. Death strips us of this illusion. We might have beliefs or even non-beliefs. But none of us really know what happens when we die. So I think lots of folks might feel safer or less vulnerable keeping clear of the topic.

Williams: Why is it important that people "talk about death?"

Bentz: I think people universally do want to talk about death — and the attendance numbers at Death Cafés around the world prove this. Cultural norms in the U.S. are not real supportive of openly talking about death though, partly because we are so focused on the vitality or glamour of youth. People get openly offended sometimes when I'm meeting with clients in teahouses or cafés to talk about final wishes. I remain firmly committed to the conversation though, because talking about death brings more life to our living; we get to acknowledge "out loud" how our time here is finite. Be awake and pay attention to today, open your senses and live fully because who can say if tomorrow happens.

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