What To Do When Home Is No Longer Home

Cheryl Hancock, a certified financial planner with Rinehart & Associates, Charlotte, N.C., says decisions on whether to keep parents in a home or whether to move them to a continued care or nursing home facility are best made by discussing them before they become immediate "so that it can be in the form of rational well-thought-out planning where the elderly person can remain in control of their own decisions."

To help in that process Hancock begins by completing an audit of the person's current circumstances and lifestyle. This includes evaluating how he or she is doing today in areas such as getting to appointments and the proximity of hospitals, family and friends, but also what triggers, in the mind of the client, would need to take place to signal a change was needed. It allows a client to remain in control of the situation, she continues.

Hancock says she does it in a non-threatening way, by explaining that it is her policy to discuss the issue with any client on that client's 65th birthday.

Then, she adds, the family is brought in to discuss the audit and "get buy-in" from family members that these desires will be carried out. The value of this, she explains, is that it gets everyone on the same page and removes pressures on children to make last-minute decisions as well as opens up the possibility for estate planning discussions.

The choice the parent and family make is "client specific" but facilitated by quantifying choices and looking at long-range costs for both them and any surviving spouse.

Discussing personal family business, such as finances, future living arrangements, and health care can be uncomfortable for boomers and parents, says Julie Bucaro, a certified financial planner with Balasa Dinverno & Foltz LLC, Itasca, Ill. Ideally, it is best to address these issues while the parents still can express their wishes, she adds.

Because there is often a gradual deterioration, it is possible and important to discuss what a parent wants, says George Middleton, a certified financial analyst and financial advisor with Limoges Investment Management PC, Vancouver, Wa. It is better, if the issue comes up, to have a period of months and not days to think about what is wanted, he adds.

Bunni Dybnis, director of professional services of LivHOME Inc., a for-profit national geriatric care and placement provider in Los Angeles, says the children usually hire LivHOME's services. Dybnis says she starts the process by listening, and then after, a care plan is created in which the kinds of needs and the options available are evaluated. At this point, a decision can be made on whether a parent should stay in the home or look at options such as assisted living or nursing home care, she continues.

And, finally, she says that after the plan is presented, LivHOME either can implement that plan or it can let the children take it and act on it as they see appropriate.