Are Boomers Always The Me Generation? Maybe Not.

"Another factor is the parent's perception that it's more difficult for kids today to get started than it was for themselves."

Personal relationships, especially family relationships, absolutely are impacting boomers' financial decisions, agrees Walter J. Robinson, director, health insurance, at Booth Financial Associates, Norwalk, Conn.

In fact, he believes they are "key" to successful interactions with advisors.

For instance, one couple Robinson counsels has the wife's mother living in their house. The mother is caring for the grandchildren while both parents work in professional capacities.

In one session with the couple, Robinson asked what would happen if the wife's mother later needed care. Who would care for the older woman? The children? Would someone quit work? What was the plan?

"All the family dynamics kick in when dealing with relationship issues like this," says Robinson.

In this particular case, the couple concluded they could not afford to have one spouse stay home from work–"because of the lifestyle they had created. They wanted it to continue," Robinson says.

The solution: The couple bought a long term care policy for the mother. "That will enable the couple to survive financially if the mother needs care," he says.

"It will also help the spouses maintain their relationship," he says. Without such a plan, the wife could easily become overwhelmed if her mother declines and needs care. The marriage could suffer under the pressure, he says.

Robinson tells of another case, where a man who had cared for his wife for several years until her death later bought an LTC policy on himself. The premium was for the maximum daily benefit the man could afford. He wanted the inflation benefit but found the cost prohibitive.

That's where the family relationships came into play. After several discussions, the man's children ended up chipping in to pay for the inflation rider, Robinson says. They saw it as a financial decision that will help provide for their father's future care while also protecting the family home as the inheritance.

When caregiving events occur, "there is a sense of equity being torn," observes Byrne. "It's that squeeze, especially when the adult child still is getting money from the parent," that produces turmoil, he says.

Some families will just throw up their hands and find a home for mom, Byrne continues. Other times, a sibling will take mom into his own home or a relative will move into the parent's home.

Either way, financial products can support families as they seek solutions, Byrne stresses.

For example, he will use an annuity with a principal guarantee and an income for life feature. And he uses LTC policies, especially when the concern is that a spend-down from a spouse's illness will leave the other spouse impoverished.

No conversations with boomers and older clients will be productive if the family members don't care, maintains Robinson, and in those situations, the advisor should just move on.

However, Robinson says many boomers do care. If the advisor asks the right questions and lets the clients talk and see their own situations, how things will really be, he believes most clients identify their caring feelings and make good decisions in light of relationship realities.

This is especially important when discussing LTC issues where emotions can run high, Robinson says. It also can come into play when discussing using annuities to leave a legacy.

Actually, both LTC and annuity contracts have legacy implications and relationship themes, he says. "The annuity takes care of the question, 'do you want to leave something to the kids?' while the LTC policy takes care of the question, 'how can you be sure something is left?'"

If a client says, "mom [my wife, etc.] can take care of herself" or "it's not my problem," the advisor is wasting his or her time, suggests Robinson. "Work with clients who care about their relationships."

Despite the importance of family, it is rare for parents to bring their adult children into the financial planning sessions, notes Byrne. It may happen if there is a family business that is in transition, he says, but mostly, the parents do not want their children to know what they have–so they can maintain the flexibility.

Also, the parents may be concerned that, if the adult children do know how much the parents have, the children may then alter their lifestyle, based on that knowledge. It also can create financial disincentives, perhaps spurring a child not to fund a 401(k) or take other financially responsible steps, he says.

"Deep down, most parents want to grow independent children," he says.

Not insignificantly, the survey found that independence is important to the 60-somethings, too.

Fully 95% ranked being able to maintain financial independence as extremely or very important, followed by being able to live independently (94%) and having a secure stream of income for the rest of life (92%).

In addition, participants put greater priority on having close personal relationships (83%) and having free time for oneself (69%) than on one's love or sex life (59%).

The survey found that one-third of retirees continue to work, both part and full time. Top reasons cited for continued work were: enjoyment, income needs and intellectual stimulation.

Work can cut into the amount of time available for maintaining close relationships, allows Kittridge. But it probably is not a pressure point, unless the person is working out of financial need.

If people take steps early, to prepare for retirement years, this will help, he says. The message is, "financial readiness, and sooner rather than later," he says.